Being seen. It’s my biggest struggle.
I am an intensely private person. Which might seem odd, because I share much of what I feel, what I see, what I taste and smell and experience through my photographs. Here. With you.
As much as I’d rather be tucked into a room to connect with the observer with tea, music, rich light and soft air, THIS is the medium by which I can share most effectively. This screen. This media.
Here is the best explanation I can muster with this foggy brain this morning…
If you are here on this page, something must have resonated with you along the way. Whether it was a feeling of empowerment, the feeling of somehow seeing yourself in a photograph I’ve created, or a feeling of quiet or rage or peace…you’re here because something made you FEEL. Or at least I hope you are. Because that’s the only goal I have in my photography; to somehow convey a feeling or emotion through photographs. And if speaks to you, perhaps you’ve stayed. You’re in the room now. Put your feet up under your bum, lean in and feel the warmth of a hot tea in your palms.
Making the decision to publicly share my adventures, my creating, this sometimes stormy brain cauldron – this is a struggle that I constantly battle. As much as I enjoy the creative process, that elusive light, that creative light I carry with me wherever I go, it’s hard to share. Not because I’m afraid of being judged or not be liked, but because I’d rather have a meaningful connection with a tiny audience than an insincere connection with a larger audience.
I hope that makes sense.
Being seen, sharing the innermost vision, is…unlike anything. When I share an image or a story it’s a battle of indecision. I’ve said it before, but I want to hoard the photographs. I want to stay hidden from all of the people who don’t understand them.
But then there is this magic thing that happens when you DO share. One by one, others come forward with words. With connections. With their own stories. And I get to hear them, see them, know them, even just a tiny sliver of what is authentic and real. And that is the very best part. The beauty of the human experience, shared. Whether in agony, joy, grief, confusion, peace, celebration. All of it.
And so…being seen…is part of the journey.
I see you.
I hear you.
These words fall so readily off my tongue for other people. I accept my life of empathic existence as a gift. But I am torn between connecting and hiding every. single. day.
It’s difficult to be seen.